9 May

I have decided that jealousy is one of the uglier emotions. The reason I was thinking about this was reading Free Women of Spain about a women’s anarchist group in Spain during the revolution, and how the whole libertarian movement advocated for free love and no marriage etc. And I’m in an open relationship. And generally I’ve just been thinking about how the social construct of monogamy is really more destructive that helpful. Holding love inside, squashing it down, keeping it from expressing itself is really unhealthy!

The idea that you can own someone or they can belong to you is pretty oppressive and gross too. It is nice to know that someone is deeply emotionally connected to you, and even that they ‘belong’ with you in a romantic sense- but there is no reason that this needs to translate into them not being able to love others.

When we go into relationships expecting monogamy, expecting all of someone’s attention I think we just set ourselves up to get jealous. If your life is full and you are happy you have no reason to be jealous. Instead of being upset that your partner is with someone else you should be happy for them, and work on making your own situation better.

It tears people up to have to make false choices between two or more potential lovers. How could you want to put someone you love through that? It sounds nice to have someone’s undying wholehearted affection- but I don’t think that is in anyway realistic. If it was possible, then perhaps monogamy would make sense, but I don’t think it does.

There is also a whole nasty history of monogamy only being enforced on the female part of a relationship- it being socially ok for men to dally around, but not for women. When you think about the chances that someone you are in a relationship will ‘cheat’ on you, it seems it might just be better to have it all out in the open- know ahead of time that you won’t be monogamous, and also know when they are sleeping with others- it is important for your sexual health!!

One Response to “Jealousy”

  1. Fweeb May 10, 2007 at 4:54 pm #

    You know.. I’d almost agree with you were your arguments not based on the false premise that monogamy is merely a social construct. There are numerous examples within nature of animals who mate for life… and these examples transcend species and “food chain level” (predator, herbivore, omnivore). Granted, within humans there are constructs (quite a few of them questionable from an ethical or moral basis) designed to enforce a monogamous behavior and that certainly complicates that matter. However, I feel that there is clear indication that some animals (as a species or within a species) can be biologically wired for monogamy while others might not. And that wiring is not necessarily based on possession and ownership (which is definitely a social construct… albeit a fluid one), but rather based on mutual respect and a shared perspective.

    This is not meant to disparage folks with open relationships, just to note that when a person says open relationships aren’t for them, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the person has been sociologically brainwashed into thinking that way. There very well may be a biological reason.

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