I have decided that jealousy is one of the uglier emotions. The reason I was thinking about this was reading Free Women of Spain about a women’s anarchist group in Spain during the revolution, and how the whole libertarian movement advocated for free love and no marriage etc. And I’m in an open relationship. And generally I’ve just been thinking about how the social construct of monogamy is really more destructive that helpful. Holding love inside, squashing it down, keeping it from expressing itself is really unhealthy!
The idea that you can own someone or they can belong to you is pretty oppressive and gross too. It is nice to know that someone is deeply emotionally connected to you, and even that they ‘belong’ with you in a romantic sense- but there is no reason that this needs to translate into them not being able to love others.
When we go into relationships expecting monogamy, expecting all of someone’s attention I think we just set ourselves up to get jealous. If your life is full and you are happy you have no reason to be jealous. Instead of being upset that your partner is with someone else you should be happy for them, and work on making your own situation better.
It tears people up to have to make false choices between two or more potential lovers. How could you want to put someone you love through that? It sounds nice to have someone’s undying wholehearted affection- but I don’t think that is in anyway realistic. If it was possible, then perhaps monogamy would make sense, but I don’t think it does.
There is also a whole nasty history of monogamy only being enforced on the female part of a relationship- it being socially ok for men to dally around, but not for women. When you think about the chances that someone you are in a relationship will ‘cheat’ on you, it seems it might just be better to have it all out in the open- know ahead of time that you won’t be monogamous, and also know when they are sleeping with others- it is important for your sexual health!!